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Mental self help tip – understand what is driving your behaviours.
Do you sometimes have feelings that you can’t explain? Feelings of anger, feelings of euphoria, feelings of isolation? Do you feel the urge to overindulge in food or alcohol?
These feelings happen to everyone from time to time, but you may find that they are affecting your ability to achieve what you want, to have meaningful relationships with people, to perform well in your job…
These feelings are coming from somewhere and because they are strong emotions, they are driving how you behave, what you say, your body language and your tone of voice. They communicate more about you to people you interact with than just the content of your words.
A little bit of mental self help can enable you to make changes that can improve your results.
You are like an Iceberg
One of the interesting things about icebergs is that 90% of them is invisible, below the water line. As you approach one of these amazing cathedrals of ice, you see the wonderful creation that is the visible part above the surface of the water. When you get very close, you can peer down into the blue murky depths at the vast, mysterious expanse that lies hidden under water.
You are just like one of those icebergs – people judge you by what they can experience with their senses – your words and actions, your body language and tone of voice.
This is the visible portion of you and in truth, this is just the tip of the iceberg. There is so much more happening inside of you. These other invisible of you and your personality often drive your behaviours and ultimately your results in life…
Yet unless you have spent some time looking at yourself and watching your mind, you may not be aware of them.
A guide to your hidden depths
Wise men, great artists and scientists throughout the ages have attempted to explore this hidden part of the human mind. NLP or Neuro Linguistic Programming is one particularly fruitful way of viewing the human mind and human behaviour.
The NLP mind model suggests that your mind is arranged in layers, a bit like the layers you see as you peer down into the water around an iceberg. The layers near the surface are relatively easy to see and to interact with, while there are deeper layers that are harder to access.
The first layer is beliefs – what do you believe to be true. You beliefs will have a strong impact on your behaviours and they in turn are strongly affected by the ‘deeper’ layers. You have thousands of beliefs covering everything that you encounter in life and you use them to help you make decisions about how to behave.
Underlying beliefs are values – what is important to you. You have fewer values than you have beliefs. You values have a big impact on your beliefs. If you change one of your values, over a period of time many of your beliefs will adjust. Your values are more deeply ingrained than your beliefs and it may take some time or some very strong event to change them.
Below values there is your identity – who you think you are – “I am a…”. Your identity is something you acquire at an early age and which only changes very slowly. Your identity includes cultural and other aspects of you and it has a strong effect on your values. . Changing your identity can be a very slow process.
Underlying all of this is your spiritual self – the essence of you.
Use mental self help to work on yourself
Once you understand this model, you can understand some of the things that are driving your behaviours. If your behaviours are producing undesirable results, you can look at them more closely and relate them to your beliefs, your values, your identity, your essential person.
You may be able to apply mental self help to change the underlying causes of your behaviour. There are ways to change beliefs, values, your identity. As you go deeper, the effects on your behaviours become harder to distinguish and they can take more effort and time to change.
Of course some problems are very deeply rooted and it may not be possible for you to resolve them without external help from experienced counsellors and therapists. However even in these cases, your willingness to help yourself is a great asset.
Article source http://w4rum.com/2156.t
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| [By Kimber Fulcher] [05/May/07] |
