The world truly is our classroom.
Life is our great teacher and without doubt, every day is a new lesson for us.
An opportunity to grow, learn, develop, adapt and improve.
Fantastic.
Yep, all good.
In theory.
(of course that was coming)
It is all true... however (there's always gonna be a however)... what if those life-lessons have been the very thing which has helped us become the dysfunctional, fearful, indecisive procrastinators that we (okay, some of us) are today?
What if our life hasn't been a great teacher at all (for us personally).
What if most of the 'lessons' we've had over the course of our lifetime have actually been our biggest handicap?
What if our life experiences have 'taught' us that we are a bunch of ugly, useless, stupid, talent-less boofheads, who are, more than likely, destined to live lives of misery, mediocrity, obesity, frustration, loneliness, poverty and struggle?
It sounds blunt and border-line offensive, but that's exactly what some people have 'learned' on their journey.
(I know; I talk with them every day).
That's what their experiences have somehow programmed into their psyche.
When you get told something enough (especially something negative) it easily becomes your reality.
I talk to people every day who have been programmed for failure.
People who have learned a failure mentality.
Too many of them.
Most of them are full of talent and amazing potential; they could be anything... but they don't know it.
Or believe it.
There's no hope (in their mind).
There's no self-belief because they have learned to expect the worst.
Is it possible that you (sitting right where you are, right now at this moment in time) are being cheated and robbed of your best life because of some limiting, dis-empowering (completely unnecessary) beliefs that you've unknowingly and unintentionally collected along the way?
Of course it is.
We've all done it at some stage (embraced destructive, limiting beliefs and thinking).
Including me.
Way too many of us have been programmed for, trained for and prepared for mediocrity, if not failure. My biggest challenge as a coach, is not working around people's lack of talent, but actually getting them to believe in themselves and their potential, acknowledge their talent and do something with it... and to get them to stop telling me 'what they can't do and why'.
Getting them to un-learn the limiting beliefs that have controlled and shaped their life for far too long is the objective...
Getting them to learn new, positive things about themselves.
Getting them to consider different possibilities.
Getting them to believe... something different.
Something better.
It's a tough gig for me.
Definitely one of the biggest challenges of my work.
Typically, I have more faith in people's ability and more belief in their potential than they do themselves.
They are so scared of failing (looking stupid, being embarrassed, humiliated, etc.) that they live their life preparing themselves (emotionally and psychologically) for failure... so that's when it happens, it isn't so painful.
Sad.
And so... unnecessary.
The reality and practicality of it all is that, some of their life-lessons (experiences, people, events, situations, relationships) have rendered them almost emotionally, psychologically, socially and creatively paralysed.
Sometimes the key to our success, the key to creating our best life (our version of amazing) is not what we can learn but really... what we can un-learn.
Our beliefs don't typically come from what we hear but rather what we experience; what happens to us.
Growing up my folks always told me what a champion I was... but what I actually learned (after being picked last for every sporting team year in, year out) was that I was anything but a champion... because as a fourteen year-old, that was my experience; my reality.
Fortunately for me, I later learned that I could be a champion in areas other than sport if I was prepared to get uncomfortable, apply myself, make the most of my ability and to find reasons to succeed not fail.
Learning usually comes out of experiences . . . not lectures :
I have worked with beautiful young women who have learned that they are ugly and undesirable because that's what their (charming) partner has taught them.
I have worked with talented, creative, intelligent people who have been too scared, too embarrassed and too insecure to express themselves or take a chance with anything, because years ago some 'I.Q. test' taught them that they were stupid.
I've worked with people who have more talent and potential than I've ever had but who constantly talk themselves down and constantly sabotage themselves because somewhere, on some level, they genuinely believe they are crap. They constantly refer to their ugliness, their stupidity, their unworthiness and their incompetence... and then give me fifty seven reasons why they'll never succeed.
Some of our learning is intentional (school, reading, personal development) but most of it is incidental.
It just 'happens' to us, unconsciously.
Some of it empowers us, much of it handicaps us (if we let it).
Every (waking) hour of every day, we're learning (good and bad); our mind is constantly being fed information. We are perpetually being influenced, stimulated, poked, prodded, pushed and pulled by an ever-increasing range of stimuli (mags, movies, TV, music, internet, bosses, family, friends)... and then one day we wake up and we say to ourselves :
"How did I end up like this?"
"Why am I so negative?"
"Why do I see myself the way I do?"
"Why do I constantly find ways to fail?"
"Why don't I believe people who complement me... but at the same time remember and hang on to every piece of negativity that comes my way?"
If you've had some bad lessons over the years and you're in need of some re-programming here are a few tips on learning to un-learn (if you know what I mean).
1. Identify your limiting beliefs: usually the ones that have come out of negative re-enforcement, low self esteem or fear. Realise that they are not facts but feelings. Facing our fears is a great way to un-learn because once we face and overcome that fear (issue, challenge, situation), our thinking changes, we learn something new (un-learn something old) and we create new beliefs. (yay)
2. Understand that your past does not (have to) equal your future. Most people base their expectations for the future on their past. From today on is a clean slate (in terms of how we choose to be and what we choose to do) if we want it enough.
3. Ask yourself the right kind of questions: the "what can I do, what can I learn from this experience" questions... as opposed to the "why am I so dumb, why does this always happen to me" line of thinking.
4. Be prepared to learn new things: look at your world (life, relationships, work, health, the future) differently and to begin to see old things... in a new way.
5. Be more discerning with what (and who) you let into your head! We need a spam filter for our brain!
6. Avoid the people who have been teaching you those bad lessons.
From the moment we are 'welcomed' into the world with a slap on the butt.. we start learning. We are constantly being 'programmed' by our environment, our friends, our teachers, our family and our experiences.. the challenge for us is to make sure we're running the right program.
What do you need to un-learn?
By: Craig Harper
Craig Harper (B.Ex.Sci.) is an Australian motivational speaker, qualified exercise scientist, author, columnist, radio presenter, television host and owner of one of the largest personal training centres in the world. He can be heard weekly on Australian Radio SEN 1116 and GOLD FM and appears on Australian television on Channel 31's 'Living Life Now' and Network Ten's '9AM'. Motivational Speaker - Craig Harper
Article source http://w4rum.com/2196.t
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