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Learn To Say No And Multiply Your Happiness |
There's an old saying that goes; if you want to get something done give it to a busy person. Are you that busy person who keeps taking on more and more things to do for others? Maybe it's time to learn how to say "no" to others and start focusing on living your own life.
What is your typical day like? How much time do you spend running around doing things for other people and how much time do you spend doing things for yourself? Do you find it difficult to say no to other people? Do you feel uncomfortable about allocating time to yourself?
Have you ever noticed that some people have no trouble at all saying no to others? These people are the last to volunteer for anything and first to disappear when a helping hand is required. Yet these people seem to get by just fine in life. They still have friends. Their family still accepts them as one of the fold. People accept the fact that these people are not the people to ask to do anything and they simply stop asking them.
If you are that busy person running around for everyone you may have also noticed that much of what you do goes unappreciated; people take you for granted. In fact people not only don't appreciate what you do for them but they also get upset on the rare occasion that you can't do something. Yet those same people seem to give more respect to the friend or family member who never helps out. Do you want to know why it works that way?
Society in general is not a logical, fair, even handed collective that rewards the good and punishes the bad. That sort of society only exists in fairytales. In reality much of our social behavior is based more on instinct that it is on logic.
We have inherited these instincts from our Stone Age ancestors and, before that, from our animal predecessors. In those more primitive societies the assertive members of the group became the leaders and the submissive members of the group became the followers. Part of the role of these followers was to do the bidding of the leaders.
In today's society we still have those primitive instincts firmly encoded in our subconscious minds. When you run around doing everything for everyone else then, at the subconscious level, people put you at the bottom of the pecking order. You are subconsciously relegated to the social role of doing the bidding of others. Your efforts are not appreciated because in their subconscious mind people see what you do as your duty; your natural role in society.
On the other hand the person who consistently says no is subconsciously elevated to a position of social importance. They are subconsciously perceived to be the person that others have to do for rather than the person who does for others. At the instinctive level this is a position of respect and so that is how these people are treated within their group.
Whether you think this is fair or not is totally irrelevant. What is fact is fact and should be accepted as such. People are not going to change the subconscious programming of a million years of evolution. If you want life to be better for you then you need to learn how to work within the laws of nature and that means, in this case, becoming one of those assertive people who learn to say no.
The person that others subconsciously elevate to the top of the pecking order is the person who puts themself first. That assertive person who says no when they want to say no. That assertive person who asks others to do for them and has no guilt about it.
The person on top of the pecking order only does for others when there is a reward in it for themself. They are self focused and place their own needs and desires at the top of their priority list.
Now this may all sound very selfish and often it is, but it doesn't have to be. The best way to use this subconscious pecking order principle is to be assertively self assured but also to clearly respect the value in other people. This is dealt with in more depth in my article "How to Become a Respected Leader".
In summary, if you learn to say no when you want to say no and if you learn to place your own needs and desires high on your priority list then not only will your own happiness increase substantially but you will also be elevated up the pecking order and as a result be given more respect by others.
Of course when you first change you will meet with some resistance but don't worry, people will get used to it soon enough if you remain consistent to your new system. Do it and stick to it and you will be pleasantly surprised at how much your life improves.
By: James Delrojo
James Delrojo would like to help you by giving you his ebook "Unleash the Success Power of Your Mind" (valued at $27) completely FREE. Go to www.YourSuccessMind.com
Article source http://w4rum.com/1961.t
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| [By Kimber Fulcher] [05/May/07] |
